Undress to impress
Order her to stand still and not move as you carefully peel off her clothing piece by piece. Make each motion slow and deliberate as you gently remove her high heels and unbutton her shirt buttons one by one. As you undress her, lightly kiss or caress each part of her body as it’s revealed. Imagine you’re unwrapping a precious gift. Comment on how gorgeous her body is. Stand back as it’s slowly revealed to you. Admire her like a piece of art. Keep your own clothes on for an added touch of erotic control, or keep her standing there while you undress for her.
Why this works
This move builds a vital sexual component – anticipation. Anticipation leads to desire and lubrication. Another plus point is this move demonstrates your evident admiration of her. If she’s not used to it, she may feel a little uncomfortable, so your role is to make the undressing so lush that she feels exquisitely feminine and delectable and oh so ready to proceed.
The nipple effect
In Women Who Love Sex, sex researcher Gina Ogden writes that 50 percent of women in her studies achieved orgasm from non-genital stimulation. But many more probably could, too, if they and their partners knew what to do. So, since nipples are such an erogenous zone for most women, and always a favourite with guys, let’s take a closer look.
How to do it
The key here is to keep the touch light. Start with just your breath: hot (“haaa”) or cool (“whoo”). Then use your fingers to trace around the areola and over the bud, touching the tip with soft little strokes. Take. Your. Time. You need to completely focus on the touch and feel. Gradually move on to stimulating her with light touches of the tongue. Create a contrast by taking her entire nipple in your mouth and experiment with swirling tongue movements around the bud. If you feel she’d respond to more intense stimulation, go for it, including playing with the border of pleasure and pain, but always with a sense of teasing.
Why this works
All the erogenous regions of the body have high concentrations of nerves that link to the genitals. Exploring non-genital arousal will allow you to develop your own moves to get her, and you, ever more turned on. It’s best not to stimulate the clitoris at the same time, as this can overwhelm the more subtle feelings of the nipple.
Related: The Sex Position Women Will Almost Never Ask For
Finger Tips
Your hands have slowly wandered downstairs and your girl’s lacy knickers now lie discarded on the floor.
But when you do get manual and start touching your partner, there’s no need to stick to the old in-and-out motion. Instead, take a tip from the Taoist sexual master Mantak Chia who, in his many books, recommends that you try some real screwing.
How to do it
Work your fingers in a spiral-like screwing motion as you move in and out of her. Do it slowly to really explore her inner regions and get to know which areas are particularly pleasurable for her. Slow hand motions give her an exquisite building sensation that’s almost unbearable. Alternatively, do it harder and faster for a more intense sensation.
Why this works
A screwing motion stimulates the walls of the vagina, so you can find the areas that are pleasurable for your partner. With this motion you rub the G-spot on the roof of the vagina, as well as the sensitive areas to either side of the nerve-rich outer third, and the heel of your thumb can grind into her clitoris, which can increase the pleasurable sensation. Many women have hot-spots further in that are also stimulated by this motion, and then you reach into the cul-de-sac region below the cervix, which many women love. You can also get this motion going with your penis by rotating your pelvis in a circular motion as you thrust.
Related: The Best Sex Positions For Every Penis Size
Sense and sensuality
Sometimes less is more. Sensory deprivation is a great sex aid, as by taking away one sense you more than compensate by heightening those that remain. You can create the most amazing experiences by playing with this concept. The move here is just one possibility that should get the creative (and other) juices flowing.
Blindfold your partner, then lie her down and cover her ears with headphones and play music that you know turns her on. Then go down on her. There are a million variations on this concept. There are five senses, so experiment with different combinations to deprive and heighten them in different ways. Sensuality is all about the senses, after all.
Why this works
Sight is the most information-intense sense of all, so by turning that off you allow greater focus on the others – in this case hearing and touch. The use of music is also good, in that it helps turn off the chatter in her head – often making her feel self-conscious and inhibited – and focus even more on the physical feelings. Effectively, the music turns her mind off and her body on, allowing her to surrender to the amazing sensation of your oral ministrations.
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Thrust Power
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How to do it
The classic Taoist sequence involves nine shallow thrusts followed by one deep thrust, repeated over and over again. You can also try other combinations of odd-numbers of shallow thrusts followed by one deep thrust, or alternate one shallow and one deep. It feels good to get a regular rhythm going, but you can also experiment with harder and softer or slower and faster thrusts. The slow, deep thrust can be absolutely mind-blowing if interspersed with faster, shallow thrusts. She’ll let you know what feels good with her moans of pleasure, and if you get a murmured “Oh yes!” then stick with what you’re doing for a while!
Why this works
The alternation of short and deep thrusts means that the entire vagina is stimulated. Most sensation is in the outer third of the vagina, so the shallow thrusts are stimulating that region while the deep thrust hits the area deep inside. Also, in the correct position, your pelvic bone can move against her clitoris even with the small thrusts, and definitely with the deep. There is also the element of anticipation with the short thrusts once she knows the deep one will regularly follow.
Water Surprise
Routine is the mortal enemy of sexual excitement. Sometimes you should try to mix things up and serve up a brand-new thrill. Surprise can be a great addition to sex (if done well). Here’s one move that will prove totally unexpected and can produce a delicious sensation.
How to do it
When she’s in doggy position or just leaning over onto the bed, stop and reach over to have a sip of water. She’ll think you’re just stopping to have a drink, but keep the liquid in your mouth. From your higher position you can dribble the water onto her upper back and let it run down to pool in the dip in her back. That will be surprising enough, but take it further by lifting her up to a kneeling position so that the water runs further down her back and down between her buttock cheeks. It’s a cold, wet surprise.
Why this works
The element of the unexpected can turn a routine sex session into something memorable. As long as it’s fun and harmless, it’s unlikely she’ll be anything other than delighted. The sensation of having something dripped, dribbled or poured onto your skin causes all sorts of delightful sensations. Sometimes these might verge on the bizarre, but the tension between the two actually heightens the pleasure. In this move, she feels the shock of the cold, the tickle of the water running down her spine and then the almost icky feeling of the liquid running right down to her vagina. Follow that up with a bite to the neck or a thrust deep inside her and the combination of surprise sensations can be quite overwhelming. (Caution; only follow up with intense actions like these if you feel confident she’s aroused enough and will enjoy it.)
Rear Entry
Since anal sex is not everyone’s cup of tea, I’m going to give you two moves, one for people new to anal and one for regulars. Needless to say, she needs to be well lubricated for both. A condom will help, but use other lube, too.
How to do it – Newbies
For those new to proceedings, a lovely move is to enter her while she’s lying flat, face down, and then simply lie on top of her as you move very gently inside her.
Why this works
It’s very comforting to the woman to have you embracing fully body to body. (If you’re a big man, make sure you support some of your weight.) It also makes what some consider a dirty, unnatural act into something very beautiful, tender and connected.
Related: The Truth About Anal Sex
How to do it – Experienced
Of course, the above move feels great for everyone, not just beginners. This next one, though, is only for those who already feel very comfortable with backdoor sex. In this one you enter her from behind in standard doggy style then, when you’re in nice and firmly, lift her up and turn yourselves around so that you’re sitting on the edge of the bed with her in your lap. Wrap your legs around her shins to hold her legs apart and you have full access to all her juicy girl parts. For maximum effect do this in front of a mirror so you can both see what’s going on.
Why this works
This move combines visual stimulation with physical stimulation: you’re inside her, you can play with her clitoris and vagina (and breasts) and you can watch all the action! This is very exposing for the woman, which, if she’s into it, can be an amazing turn-on. (Caution: not all women will be into this type of sex, and even the most adventurous will need to be very, very aroused first.)
Related: 3 Tips To Make Sure Anal Feels Good For Her
Orgasm Enhancer
How do you bring on and enhance a great orgasm in your partner? Well, the best advice, which I’m sure you’ve all heard, is in fact not to do any “move” at all, but to keep the pace constant. However, while you’re keeping things constant at the genital end, there is more you can do elsewhere on her body to help notch the orgasmic response up a level or two.
How to do it
Once you’ve got a good move (that she’s clearly into) going with your fingers, tongue or penis, continue without changing the pace, rhythm or intensity. Now, while the genital stimulation remains constant, build the pressure elsewhere on her body. It could be a kiss that gets more and more intense. It could be a nuzzle to her neck that turns into some vampire-like love-biting. It could be a stroking of the back that goes from pads of fingers to nails. It could be a stroking of her anus with your thumb that gets firmer and firmer until you’re inside. Or caressing her buttocks, then gripping them more firmly. Get to know what parts of her body respond to intense sensation through fore-play activities. When you’re sure it’s something she likes, apply when she’s approaching orgasm.
Why this works
Unlike men, women don’t have a point of orgasmic inevitability – when men come close there’s no holding back. But with women it can be lost at any point, even right at the point of climax. Steady, constant movement is what she wants, so give it to her. However, that’s just what’s going on with the genitals. By contrasting that regular movement in her nether regions with increasing sensation elsewhere, you can increase arousal and cause a mind-blowing orgasm. You might also find that it helps you last longer when you’re inside her because you’re expanding your focus away from genital contact to a more whole-body awareness.
