Trawling dating sites hoping for a naughty message or explicit image? You’re wasting your time.

While 55% of people surveyed as part of a Journal of Sex Research study admitted to sending sexy photos or videos, most did so when they were in a relationship. The main factor: commitment and being in a high comfort zone. However, their motivation isn’t horniness.

According to the study, most who divvied out an explicit text or two were either anxious about a new dating relationship or feared a negative evaluation from their partner. Yep, she wants affirmation. So next time she sends you something suggestive, fire back with glowing, well-written compliments, not a dick pic.